Yesterday in the early evening my wife Gina said to me, "Vamos a dar una vuelta al centro" which means "Lets go mess around downtown a bit". That is how I would translate it into English. If you translate all the words literally it would be more like "We go to give a turn to the center". In any case we went and it was very pleasant as it usually is on Sunday evenings because that's when many families go downtown to stroll around the main plaza. We have a new dancing fountain in Irapuato and the waters dance to colored lights and music. It is a very nice show and best of all it is free.
Gina parked me on a bench as she often does and went off to buy an ice cream cone and chat with a friend that she hadn't seen in awhile and, as is my custom, I struck up a conversation with the old timer sitting next to me. He, too, had been parked there by his wife and was waiting for her to return. We had a nice chat about this, that, and the other thing, until a little old lady showed up toting a big bag filled with little boxes. It was his wife and as it turned out she is the local equivalent of the "Avon Lady" and she was selling personal grooming products. I should have seen this coming but I didn't. Anyway, her husband had been really nice to me and she was nice too as she launched into her spiel and I realized that I was not going to get away from them very easily without buying something. She showed me various things and getting a bit desperate I told her "Okay, I'll take this one. How much is it?" Her face lit up with a big smile and said "Only forty five pesos Señor" and I almost fell off the bench. Nevertheless, I paid her the money and she gave me a box with a bottle of men's cologne in it. They said "Thank you" and "Goodbye" and I slipped the box into another bag that I was carrying. Gina came back with an ice cream cone for me and we sat there a little while longer watching the people and the dancing waters and then we went home.
When we got home I went to the bedroom and took the box out of the bag and opened it and took out the bottle of cologne. I opened the bottle and took a wiff and it smelled like an old car seat that dozens of people had been farting in. I thought "Oh, no, what a waste of 45 pesos" and then I figured "What the heck, if the smell keeps the "zancudos" (mosquitoes) away it might be worth it". Then I thought "Hmmm, what if it attracts the little buggers?". That is when I made a fatal mistake. I left it lying out on top of the dresser. When Gina saw it she got very agitated. She asked me what it was and I told her that it was men's cologne. Then she asked me why all of a sudden I needed men's cologne and wanted to know if I was trying to attract "busconas". The verb "buscar" means "to look for" and a "buscona" is a woman who is out looking for a man. One time I made a horrible mistake when Gina asked me where I was going and I replied jokingly "Voy a buscar busconas" which means "I'm going out looking for "busconas". I spent a week in the dog house for that one. No more joking about about busconas for me.
I tried to explain to Gina how I had come to purchase the cologne but words failed me when she asked me how much I paid for it. When I told her, she went ballistic on me and said things that
wives usually say to husbands like "I leave you alone for just fifteen minutes and look what stupid things you go and do". I told her that I was sorry and that I wouldn't do it again and that I would throw the cologne away. She said "You will do no such thing. I will give it to my brother-in-law for Christmas". Now why didn't I think of that? Men and women sure think differently at times. I was reading my favorite columnist in "El Norte" (Catón) and he was telling a story about how men and women differ going all the way back to Adam and Eve. The first words that Adam spoke after God created him are not recorded in the Bible but it is reasonable to assume that it was some form of "Thanks be to God". Neither was it recorded what Eve said when God fashioned her out of one of Adam's ribs but it is fairly agreed upon among eminent scholars that her first words were "Look at me. I have absolutely NOTHING to wear!".
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