Ah-Wim-A-Weh

I am not a cat lover. I just don't have it in me. However, I must admit that I am tolerant...Nay! I am actually partially fond of one particular cat. I have never seen him and he comes around at night and makes awful noises and he usually leaves a calling card fashioned out of cat doo-doo which I always step on by accident and then stink to high heaven. He also leaves me notes written in paw prints on my car's hood and windshield that I have yet to interpret. Why do I tolerate this cat? It is because neither of us can tolerate mice. The reason that I can't tolerate mice is because my wife can't tolerate them and whenever she thinks that there may be a mouse around the house my life becomes unbearable. Where I live in Mexico, one must always be careful not to leave an open door unattended, even for a few minutes, or a mouse will sneak in. It most often happens when there is a sharp change in the weather, especially just before the rainy season or in the autmn when it gets colder. If I could only know where the cat lives I would send over some catnip or some cat vitamins or something. I worry about the time when something might happen to him and my backyard jungle will go unguarded. I am always careful to check for his calling cards in the morning so that my wife won't step on one because that will be the last of cat's nine lives no matter how many he has left. A man named William Congreve once wrote a line in a play called "The Mourning Bride" that said "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." I would like to add "or a woman who is frightened by a mouse or steps in stinky cat crap". Sometimes I think that life is like walking a tightrope between cats (or women) on one side and mice on the other. I just pray that in my case the Dear Lord grants my buddy the cat an extra nine lives. I will take the crap...one way or another.

In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight. I think that I shall call the cat "Ah-Wim-A-Weh".