Don't be a grinch!

One of the best Spanish teachers that I have besides my wife Gina and my "compañeros de trabajo" (fellow workers) is my friend Benjamin Arredondo from Salamanca and the author of the blog, "El Bable". Today Benja (BEHN-hah), as I call him, came up with a great sentence:

Ni hablar, ¡festejemos el Bicentenario, para que nos hacemos garras el hígado!
It goes without saying, let's celebrate the Bicentennial. What for we claw at our liver!

He was talking about all the things that have been going wrong lately. It is difficult to translate this sentence directly into English. It means that there are bad things not worth mentioning and we should celebrate the bicentennial and not let the bad stuff eat away at us. In Spanish the phrase "garras el hígado" means claw the liver which is considered to be the most delicate body organ. In other words the phrase "hacemos garras el hígado" means "let it eat away at our guts".

You might go to a party and later say to a friend:

En la fiesta hubo gente no grata pero decidí divertirme y no me hice garras el hígado.
At the party there were some unwelcome people but I decided to have fun and not let it bother me.

Another example would be:

Fuimos de paseo al lago con los niños y llegó mi tio aguafiestas. No me hice garras el hígado y disfruté el paseo.
We made an outing to the lake with the kids and my uncle the grinch arrived. I didn't let it bother me and I enjoyed the outing.

There is a bonus word here. The word "aguafiestas" is someone who always throws cold water (or a wet blanket) on a party like a grinch.

So, like my blogger friend Gloria of the blog "Viva la Vida" always says, the word for the day is "aguafiestas" as in:

¡No seas un aguafiestas!
Don't be a grinch!

The Evil Eye

At some time during you stay in Mexico, and especially if you live here permanently, you may hear the term "limpia de huevo" or in other words a "cleansing by egg". This cleansing is part of the cure for a number of infirmities that can be generally catergorized as either a "mal de ojo", an "espanto", an "empacho", or a "caída de mollera". The first three can relate to anybody but the last one, la "caída de mollera" is related to children under two years of age. I will try to explain them one at a time.

El Mal de Ojo literally means "bad eye," but in a broader sense it is the cross-cultural belief in evil eye. Mal de ojo occurs when someone who is weak, or an infant or a child, is stared at by a person with a piercing glance especially if the stare is a result of jealousy or envy. The stare is said to make the affected person's spirit sick. The symptoms of mal de ojo include headaches, high fever, fretfulness, and in the case of children, weeping and a refusal to eat or sleep.

El Espanto is an illness that can affect anyone at any age. It usually originates when someone receives a sudden fright and is terrified. The person becomes listless and depressed, doesn't want to talk, doesn't want to eat, can't sleep, is feverish, and wants to remain in bed. It is also called "La pérdida de la sombra" or "Loss of the shadow" meaning that a person's shadow, symbolizing his or her soul, has separated from their body. It is said that the person suffers from "tired blood". To hear people talk about it the symptoms of the most serious cases sound like what we might call "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" in English. The mildest cases and probably most frequent are children who wake up from a nightmare crying for their mommy, trembling, and bathed in sweat who don't want to go back asleep again.

El Empacho is usually caused by some dietary problem such as a lump of food that sticks to the walls of the intestines or the stomach often caused by a sudden change in infant formula. Other causes of empacho include eating improperly cooked foods or swallowing hard to digest items such as chewing gum. All age groups are potentially susceptible to an empacho with infants being at the highest risk followed by children. Symptoms of an empacho can be bloating, vomiting, constipation, diarrhea, and lethargy in general.

La Caída de Mollera is a bit more complicated and can be a very serious matter mainly because it occurs in infants. The Spanish word "mollera" in this case means "fontanelle" in English and it is the diamond shaped area in the front part of the top of the skull in infants where the bones of the skull take up to two years to fully close from the time of birth. A "caída de mollera" is when this area becomes sunken in, due in most cases to dehydration. The dehydration can come from a disease that causes vomiting or dysentery or any number of situations where the tiny body of the infant lacks sufficient fluids. There is sometimes a lot of guilt associated with a caída de mollera and a young mother thinking that it his her fault for handling the baby too roughly or removing the baby's mouth from her breast too rapidly, then takes the baby to a "curandero" or "healer". Some curaderos are quite knowledgeable but there are others who are merely quacks. The bad curandero may turn the baby upside down and hold it by its feet or put his finger in the baby's mouth and push up on the roof of the mouth trying to get the mollera to pop up again. The real culprit, however, is the dehydration and if the baby isn't re-hydrated within a few hours it will die. When this happens there is much shame attached to the mother. Nowadays, thanks to modern education and access to proper medical care this is becoming a thing of the past in Mexico but in some rural areas it can still happen.

Now, this is where the "limpia de huevo" comes in to play. All of the above conditions are candidates for the egg cleansing in conjunction with other treatment. In the case of the first three it is amazingly effective although I would attribute most of the cure if not all, not to the egg, but to love and faith. In the case of children most of the problem usually stems from some kind of stomach ailment. Someone, usually a grandmother, will take an egg (preferably from a black feathered chicken if available) and pass the unbroken egg all over the body of the child while reciting either the Lord's Prayer or the Apostles Creed (whichever is the local custom). Depending upon the specific situation sometimes they will use a bundle of an herb called "epazote" (Dysphania ambrosioides) instead of an egg. Afterward passing the egg over the body they crack open the egg and put it in a glass jar and set it under the bed (same with the epazote) and in the morning the egg will have become darker and one should be able to see one or more bubble-like "ojos" or "eyes". The epazote has no visible changes. The mother or grandmother then takes the egg (or the epazote) away from the house and throws it in a ditch over her shoulder and returns to the house being careful not to look back lest the "mal de ojo" return. In the case of a child having stomach troubles the grandma also gently rubs their tummy with lard or cooking oil in a soothing manner and whispers prayers and lullabies until the child falls asleep. She also gives them a powder called "Estomaquil" mixed with a little water or oil. The Estomaquil is available in all farmacias and is the Mexican variety of "Milk of Magnesia". Yes, the cure does have its superstitious element but in my opinion the common sense, the experience, and the love of the grandma is the real basis for the "cure".

I have a variation of the cure that works the best for me. Instead of the Estomaquil I substitute a wee dram of Jack Daniels (or two or three). Hey! Stop clucking your tongue. It works for me!

It's a Hummdinger!

The video below is a real eye opener. It was produced for PBS by a filmmaker named Ann Johnson Prum. It is a behind-the-scenes look at how she captured some amazing pictures of hummingbirds. I thought I knew a lot about hummingbirds but I just threw all that I thought I knew out the window. You will too after you watch this video.

The Gates of Hell

The other day I wrote a piece called Ramadan Kareem about the Islamic Holy Month of Ramadan which began on August 11th, just a few days ago. Ramadan is the ninth month of the Islamic lunar calendar and it moves around the solar based Gregorian calendar a little bit each year until it begins a new cycle again every thirty-three years. It just so happens that this year the seventh month of the Chinese lunar calendar began at almost the same time as the start of Ramadan. This Chinese month is called the "Ghost Month" and the highlight is on the 15th day of the lunar month which this year is Tuesday, August 24 on the Gregorian calendar. On that day the Chinese will celebrate a special festival called the "Hungry Ghost Festival" during which which all spirits and ghosts from the nether world are allowed to roam the land once again in search for food to appease their hunger. In a similar manner to Mexicans on the Day of the Dead here in in Mexico, the living Chinese relatives leave offerings of food and other items for the spirits their dearly departed.

So, what's the problem? Well, I'll tell you. During the month of Ramadan the Muslims believe that the gates of Hell are slammed shut and the Chinese Taoists and Buddhists believe that during Ghost Month the gates of Hell are flung wide open. Just imagine the frustration that this must cause the Devil when the two different ethnic lunar months coincide like this. Should he plan to close Hell for remodeling or should he beef up security for the extra traffic? It makes me realize that every day some religious entity somewhere is celebrating something. How can anyone be expected or even willing to keep track of it all? Don't worry...there is an answer to that too. Like just about everything else these days the market will track it. One only need follow the money. The people who raise and sell goats seem to have a handle on it better than anyone else. The fact is that goat meat is eaten by more people on earth than any other meat and much of it is used for religious feasts. Approximately sixty-three percent of the world’s total meat consumption can be credited to goat meat and it is estimated that eighty percent of the world’s population eats goat as a staple in their diet. Your neighborhood goat seller has to know when the religious feasts are held so that he or she can meet the market demand. We eat a lot of goat meat in Mexico. I wrote about it in a piece called "Got Goat?" and another piece called "Birria de Cabrito" and one called "The Road Trip".

There seem to be quite a few religious celebrations this year in August and September. In the Catholic culture we celebrate the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary into Heaven on August 15th and her birth on September 8th. Our Jewish brethren celebrate Rosh Hashanah on Thursday, September 9, through Friday, September 10th and then Yom Kippur on Saturday, September 18, Sukkot on September 23rd, and Shemini Atzeret on September 30th. The Muslims celebrate Lailat Ul Qadr (Night of Power) on September 5th and Eid-Al-Fitr (End of Ramadan) on September 10th . There are no doubt many more diverse religious holidays that I failed to mention out of ignorance and for that I apologize but it is worth noting that each of these feasts is dear to some culture's heart and we should be aware of that and respectful. So, if you want to know who is celebrating what in your neck of the woods just ask your friendly neighborhood goat guy. In the meantime, the more you know about what other people believe the more you will be contributing to world peace. Everyone should have the right to worship freely. In the famous words of Mexican President Benito Juárez:

"Entre los individuos, como entre las Naciones, el respeto al derecho ajeno es la paz".
Among individuals as among nations, peace is the respect for the rights of others.

Ramadan Kareem!

Today is the start of "Ramadan", the holiest month in the realm of Islam. Devout Muslims all over the world begin thirty days of fasting during which they will refrain from eating, drinking,and sexual activity from dawn until dusk. The intent of the fasting is to learn patience and humility, and to offer prayers for the forgiveness of sin. It is a time of reflection when Muslims seek a deeper awareness and association with God. It is said that during Ramadan that the gates of Heaven are flung wide open, the gates of Hell are slammed shut, and the Devil is chained up for the duration.

Ramadan is the ninth month of the Islamic lunar calendar and it is the month when the Holy Qur'an was given to the Prophet Muhammad according to the tenets of Islam. Fasting during Ramadan is also part of the Five Pillars of Islam, the other four being Testimony of Faith, Multiple Daily Prayers, Charity, and Pilgrimage to Makkah (Mecca). Since the lunar Islamic calendar is out of sync with the solar calendar by eleven or twelve days Ramadan does not begin on the same date each year but the Ramadan cycle does repeat itself every thirty-three years.

"Okay", I hear you asking, "So why would a Christian, or a Jew, or a Hindu, or a Buddhist, or a Confucian, etc., concern himself or herself about a Pillar of Islam and why would a Muslim care to know about other religious rites?". Well, almost two years before the fight for independence in Mexico began, a man named Abd al-Qādir al-Jazā'irī was born on September 6th, 1808 in the land of Algeria. Like Miguel Hidalgo, the first hero of Mexican independence, Abd al-Qādir (or Abd el Kader as he is also known) became the first hero of Algerian independence. He became very famous during his lifetime and gained the respect of many world leaders including Abraham Lincoln. In fact, a group of farmers in Iowa named their town "Elkader" Iowa, a name which it still proudly bears today. Abd el Kader was a conciliator and earned the name "Prince of Brotherhood" for his efforts in bringing Christians and Muslims together in peace and understanding. He said that all religions brought to us by the prophets from Adam until Muhammad rest on two principles, praise for God, and compassion for all His creatures. He discovered that as human beings there are more things that unite us than divide us and a mutual understanding of each others religion and culture is essential for universal peace on Earth.

I believe that many of the problems between Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, and Christianity (not to mention the sects that divide each religion) are born out of ignorance and fear and not actual fact and the solution is education and dialog. President Barack Obama put it this way. He said "All of us must remember that the world we want to build and the changes that we want to make begin in our own hearts and in our own communities". The traditional Muslim salutation at the beginning of Ramadan is "Ramadan Kareem" meaning "Ramadan is Generous" and the reply is "Allahu Akram" meaning "God is more Generous". On this day I want to reach out to every Muslim in every part of the world and say;

Ramadan Kareem! May Allah bless you in this holy month and accept all your prayers and good deeds. Āmīn.

Let me hear a little melody

I learned today that Mitch Miller just died at the ripe old age of 99. He is known as the Father of Karaoke. Those of you who are under the age of 55 probably won't remember him but when I was a kid he was very popular in the early 1960's. He had a television show on NBC called "Sing Along with Mitch" and it was a great favorite with my family, especially the older generation. Each week we would tune in and sing along with Mitch and his gang. The program would generally start out with a theme song about a melody. It went something like this:

Let me hear a little melody,
A simple singing song
And I sing along.
Get me here a melody
A simple singing song
And I'll sing along
Loud and strong,
I want to sing along.
Get me here a singing song
And I'll sing along.

I wrote the words to the song from memory so someone please correct me if I'm wrong. I've had that bottled up inside me like a lost fart for almost fifty years.

Mitch Miller's sign-off theme that always ended abruptly just before the credits was an adaptation of the chorus of a song recorded in 1954 by Henry D. Haynes and Kenneth C. Burns who were otherwise known as "Homer & Jethro". Their song was called "The Crazy Mixed-Up Song" and it was sung to the music of John Phillip Sousa's "Stars and Stripes Forever". The Mitch Miller version went like this:

Be kind to your web-footed friends
For a duck may be somebody's mother
Be kind to your friends in the swamp
Where the weather is very, very damp
("damp" rhymes with "swamp")
Now, you may think that this is the end...
WELL, IT IS!

I think that either knowingly or unwittingly Mitch Miller encapsulated the last two lines as his epitaph:

Now you may think that this is the end...
WELL, IT IS!

When he got to Heaven I am sure that everyone was "all smiles", as Mitch used to say, and ready for a sing-along.

Throw it out the window!

In English there is actually a specific word for the act of throwing someone or something out of a window. The word is "defenestration". The word originally meant "political dissent" but in the year 1618 a couple of high government officials were thrown from a castle in Prague which started the Thirty Years War and the incident was called "The Defenestration of Prague". Ever since, the word defenestration is synonymous with getting pitched out of a window.

Many years ago back in the Dreamtime when I was a Boy Scout we had a favorite campfire song called "Throw it out the window!". We would divide into two groups and to each group or "side" a leader was appointed. The song was a competitive game and the object was for one side to sing a nursery rhyme verse and append to it a chorus of "Throw it out the window". Then the other side would sing a verse from a different nursery rhyme and repeat the chorus. The side that could sing the most nursery rhyme verses without repeating one was the winner. Yours truly was often picked to be a leader and my side won more often than not because I really enjoy singing and worked hard at winning this competition. The song would go something like this:

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone,
But when she got there the cupboard was bare,
So she threw it out the window, the window,
The second story window,
Hi-Lo, Lo-Hi
Throw it out the window.

Jack be nimble Jack be quick,
Jack jump over the candlestick,
And throw it out the window, the window,
The second story window,
Hi-Lo, Lo-Hi
Throw it out the window.

So, how would we say "Throw it out the window" in Spanish? If you look up the word "throw" in your Spanish / English dictionary you will see several Spanish verbs that are synonymous with "throw" and the most common are "lanzar", "echar", "tirar" and "aventar" so which one do you use? Well, if you have noticed while driving in Mexico there are signs along the highway that say "No tire basura" which literally means "don't throw trash" but might be better translated as "Don't toss your trash". The verb "tire" (TEE-ray) is the third person singular (polite form) of the present subjunctive tense which is also the third person singular imperative. You don't need to remember the names for the tenses. I jut "threw" that in for my friend Dale. Now here is the "kicker". To say "Throw it out the window" in Spanish you would generally say "Tiralo por la ventana". I can already hear you asking, "Why tiralo and not "tirelo"? Because in the second person singular imperative you say "Tira" for "throw" and "No tires" for "don't throw". Now you ask, "Well how the heck am I going to remember all that?". The answer is that you aren't. That's why you need to memorize the phrases in their entirety so that they will pop into your brain in the correct form when you need them.

Well, then what are the other verbs for? In general you would use "lanzar" to mean "launch" as in "launch a spear" or "to pitch" as in "to pitch a baseball". A baseball pitcher is a "lanzador". We normally use aventar" in the sense of "throwing" or "tossing" something to some person as in "Aviéntame eso" or "Toss that to me". Note that "aventar" is an irregular verb and the stem changes from "avent" to "avient". The verb "echar" on the other hand has more of the sense of "move something from one place to another or from one condition to another." You might want to "echar" someone "a la fregada" or "al carajo" meaning "send them to hell". The phrase "echar de perder" combines the verbs for "throw" and "lose" to mean that something like meat, fruit, or vegetables are spoiling. It would be really worth your while to spend some time investigating and studying the different uses of these four Spanish verbs...and remember...NO TIRE BASURA!

Move it on over...

The other day at a fiesta when I was watching some young people sorting out their seating arrangements so as to situate themselves "boy-girl-boy-girl I was reminded that it is important to learn the subtleties of different Spanish words. There are several ways to ask someone (or tell someone) to take a different seat and depending upon what words you use you can sound polite and supplicating or you can sound harsh and bossy. I have several examples which I divided into the"Scoot over!" category and the "Move your butt!" category. In the "Scoot over!" category I use the verbs "recorrer" and "mover":

¿Te puedes recorrer un poco?
Could you scoot over a little.

Recórrete para alla por favor.
Scoot yourself over there please.

Muévete tantito porfis.
Move over a little please. (Note: The word "porfis", pronounced "POR-fees", is slang for "por favor".

In the "Move your butt!" category I use the verbs "hacer", echar", and "mover".

¡Oye! Hazte para alla.
Hey! Put yourself over there.

¡Oye Güey! ¡Échate pa' alla!".
Hey man! Get yourself over there! (Note: The word "pa" is short for "para".)

¡Muevéte!
Move!

Myself, I favor the verb "recorrer" as in:

Juan, recórrete alla y siéntate con Maria por favor.
John, please scoot over there and sit with Mary.

The phrase "scoot over" reminds me of an old Hank Williams song called "Move it on over" that he wrote in the year 1947 just as I was being born into this world. It is a song about a guy who comes home late and finds out that he has been locked out by his wife and he is forced to sleep in the dog house with the dog (again). Since I have had to sleep in the dog house a few times in my illustrious career I can somewhat relate to this song.

"Move It On Over"
(Hank Williams 1947)

Came in last night about a half past ten
That baby of mine she wouldn't let me in
So move it on over (move it on over)
Move it on over (move it on over)
Move over little dog cause a big dog's movin in

Shes changed the lock on our front door
My door key it don't fit no more
So get it on over (move it on over)
Scoot it on over (move it on over)
Move over skinny dog cause a fat dog's moving in

This dog house here is mighty small
But it's better than no house at all
So ease it on over (move it on over)
Drag it on over (move it on over)
Move over old dog cause a new dog's moving in

She told me not to play around
But I done let the deal go down
So pack it on over (move it on over)
Tote it on over (move it on over)
Move over nice dog cause a mad dog's moving in

She warned me once, she warned me twice
But I don't take no one's advice
So scratch it on over (move it on over)
Shake it on over (move it on over)
Move over short dog cause a tall dog's moving in

She'll crawl back to me on her knees
But I'll be busy scratching fleas
So slide it on over (move it on over)
Sneak it on over (move it on over)
Move over good dog cause a bad dog's moving in

Remember pup, before you start to whine
That side's yours and this side's mine
So shove it on over (move it on over)
Sweep it on over (move it on over)
Move over cold dog cause a hot dog's moving in.

The ties that bind...

I had a wonderful time yesterday. Gina and I attended the Quinceañera celebration for her first cousin Silvia's daughter. The young lady's name is Jackeline Gómez Hernández and we call her "Jackie" for short. I have known her since she was five years old and she was such a tomboy that I have been amazed and delighted to watch her grow up to be a beautiful blossom on the tree of life. The festivities began at the church where all of her friends and relatives joined with her in celebrating a mass in her honor. After mass she was driven all over the neighborhood in a car decked out with flowers, ribbons, and balloons and all of this time the driver (my wife Gina) was tapping out 1-2, 1-2-3 on the horn in the pattern that is sacrosanct to Mexican quinceañera celebrations...

BEEP-BEEP!
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP!

Later on her family had a big party for her in a very nice rented hall where we all danced to a live band and made merry. Suddenly the thought struck me that there are so many little girls that I once held in my arms as babies who will soon become my dancing partners at their quinceañeras. I am very happy to know all of these young ladies and their counterparts, the young gentlemen. There are many, many kids here who call me "Tio Bob" (Uncle Bob) even though we are not related. In England they have a phrase that goes "and Bob's your uncle" meaning "there you have it" or "you're all set". If you are a young person living in Irapuato, Guanajuato there is good chance that "Bob" really is your "uncle".

In the past I have been a little cranky about having to attend so many baptisms, confirmations weddings, funerals, birthday parties, anniversaries, baby showers, saints days, and novenas, etc. Now, however I am learning to realize that these things are important, especially in Mexico, because they are the little ties that hold society together. I hope that God grants me the privilege of attending many more of these events and that He blesses Jackie while HE and I both watch her leave adolescence and grow into womanhood. Wouldn't it be nice if I could dance with her daughter some day at her own daughter's quinceañera. Hmmm...I don't know. I think that might be what the test pilots call "pushing the envelope".

Do you know where Hell is?

In one of my favorite musicals of all time "Paint Your Wagon", Lee Marvin sings a song called "A Wandering Star":

Do you know where Hell is?
Hell is in HELLO!
Heaven is in good-bye
Whenever it's time for me to go.

I sing that same song sometimes after attending a wedding, two baptisms, a baby shower, and a saint's day party all in the same week. Seriously though, where do you suppose Heaven and Hell are located? I am pretty well convinced that Hell must be located right here on Earth because the Devil always seems to be close at hand. I think that Heaven is close by too but for a different reason and in another way. I am proposing that Heaven is in another dimension where the people in Heaven can see us and hear us but we can't hear or see them...except when we are dreaming or when we are troubled and praying. The concept is not as far fetched as you might think.

A long time ago I read a book about dimensions called "Flatland, A romance of many dimensions" written by Edwin A. Abbott in 1884. I highly recommend this simple little book as a starting point for anyone wanting to think some more about dimensions. I recently went back to read it again and you can find a copy on the Internet at http://www.geom.uiuc.edu/~banchoff/Flatland/. The narrator of the story is a square who lives in a two dimensional world named "Flatland" that is populated by various geometric shapes whose castes are determined by the number of sides they have and all aspiring to be a true circle but never quite achieving it.

One day square has a dream about visiting a one dimensional world named "Lineland" where everything is in a straight line. The people of Lineland are straight lines of various lengths according to their caste and the longest line is the King who is exactly 6.457 inches long. Obviously the people cannot reproduce through touching because their positions in line are fixed and so conception is accomplished through sound. The people have openings at each end of their bodies that emit sounds. For the males one end admits a tenor sound and the other emits a bass sound. I personally find this to be reasonable because I too have openings at both ends, one of which emits a tenor sound and the other a bass. The women of Lineland emit a soprano sound from one end and a contralto end from the other. Thus males and females mate through harmony, frequency, and amplitude. In his dream the square tried without success to make the king of Lineland see anything that is outside the realm of Lineland.

In his dream the narrator is then visited by a sphere from three dimensional "Spaceland", which he cannot comprehend until he sees Spaceland for himself. After the square's mind is opened to new dimensions, he wonders about the theoretical possibility of the existence of a fourth (and a fifth, and a sixth) spatial dimension. He also dreams about a place with one dimension called "Pointland". He discovers that Pointland has only one inhabitant who is the King and who perceives any attempt at communicating with him as simply being a thought originating in his own mind. The square recognizes the connection between the ignorance of the populace of Pointland and Lineland and his own Flatland regarding higher dimensions.

In traditional mathematics and physics, the dimension of a space or object is more or less defined as the minimum number of coordinates needed to specify each point within it. However, there is an emerging theory of physics called "String Theory" that has opened up the possibility that extra dimensions, and parallel universes actually exist. So, now you see what I'm getting at. I think that Heaven is around here somewhere and when we "die" we pass from this dimension to the next just like walking through a door. I believe that some animals like dogs, cats, elephants, and dolphins are aware of at least one other dimension that they can see and we can't. I'll bet that someday we are in for a big surprise. You don't believe me? Don't be such a square!